Fr. Rutler of "Christ in the City" fame once was serving as a hosptial chaplain. He visited a patient to administer the sacrament of the sick. When he pulled out his jar of ointment, a nun at the patient's bedside said, "You know, if I had a penis I could do that." Fr. Rutler reportedly replied, "Madam, I generally use my thumb."
Hat tip to Rich Leonardi.