Sunday, November 20, 2005

GQ Magazine Interviews God

From the Dec. 2005 issue.

Ever notice how many jocks credit God for their accomplishments? We sat down with the Supreme Being and let him make the final call.

GQ: Congratulations on getting the San Diego Padres to the playoffs.

GOD: Didn't see that coming, did you?

Did they pray alot?
Here and there. No more than anyone else. Joe Randa certainly begs me not to ground into double plays, but what am I here, a miracle worker?

So does it work?
Does what work?

Praying to you in sporting events, giving praise to you.
It does and it doesn't. Like, if a running back goes to church and he gives me a shout-out during Monday Night Football, I might grant him a touchdown or two. But it has to be against Arizona.

Do you notice when David Ortiz points to you every time he hits a home run?
We love Papi up here.

Anyone who prays to you whom you don't care for?
I'll just say this: I don't care if Davis Love III holes another chip shot again.

Will you curse a team that doesn't show respect?
Um, does the name Tampa Bay Devil Rays mean anything to you?

Who do you like in the NBA this year?
I like Detroit, as always. Ben Wallace is a friend. And I'm a Steve Nash guy. He looks a little like my son.

Jesus? Could he ball?
Yes, but he blew out his knee versus Jerusalem and was never the same.

Tell us something cool that's going to happen next year.
Terrell Owens is going to piss you off.

We could have told you that! Tell us something amazing.
Okay. How does "world champion Detroit Tigers" sound to you?

No, Jeremy Bonderman. He's a righteous dude.

Any last words, God?
Yeah. Tell Curt Schilling to stop e-mailing me.

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